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What Holds Us Together?

by Van Lefan

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1.
歷代祖先 我是阮樂凡 我現在人在很遠的所在 也不知你聽得到無 感謝你幾百年來辛苦打拼 與對我出世到長大的保庇 讓我一世人可以自由做我想做的事情 我是樂凡 我的老母姓鄭,是鄭家在台灣樹林的第七代 祖先是從河南滎陽,搬去福建泉州的河洛人 我爸爸家姓阮,爺爺從海南島木棠村 因為戰爭逃難到越南,然後搬去台灣 我在柑園長大,周遭都是農田 我記得小時候常在水稻裡面撈蝌養青蛙 還有跟阿嬤在她的的菜園子裡面種菜 我也記得媽媽跟我說他小時候的故事 在我們家旁邊的那條水溝裡面釣魚、抓蝦、撈蜆仔 大約我十歲的時候吧 周遭的田地慢慢開始蓋工廠 鋪水泥,變成了鐵皮屋 那本來清澈的水溝也被染成了深紫色 沒有生命了 When I was 11 years old we immigrated to Turtle Island Right now I am on the traditional territories of the Squamish, Musqueam, and Tsleil-Waututh Peoples Where I currently am living, creating, learning And unpacking what it means for me to be here now
2.
The Lesson 04:08
I asked the eagle for advice today About how to spread my wings and fly away And throw all caution to the wind Take a leap of faith and jump right in I heard a mother whisper to her babe The first steps are the hardest ones to take It's okay, if you shake Get up and try again, you'll find the strength So be mindful, be brave Don't be afraid of change You'll find the reason for your pain in time Be grateful, be great And don't forget to play Go out and find what makes you feel alive And do it for the rest of your life I still have some questions for the ocean tide Like how to come and go, and fall after I rise Learn to sway, ride the waves Let the moonlight lead the way So be mindful, be brave Don't be afraid of change You'll find the reason for your pain in time Be grateful, be great, and Don't forget to play Go out and find what makes you feel alive and Do it for it for the rest of your life The less I speak, the more I grow The more I learn, the less I know 'Cause I don't know anything at all And I don't know anything at all But to be mindful, be present, and live in every moment Don't forget compassion and be kind Remember the lesson, that everyday's a blessing Go out and find what sets your soul on fire And do this for the rest of your life
3.
I believe in omens like seeing a pair of ravens Flying overhead as I'm standing at the edge With my arms wide open facing the ocean Saying mama if you hear me Can you please answer my questions Like why am I here On this ride in the atmosphere Sometimes it's not so clear Where's the way through all these fears I have read the signals like the passage of an eagle Who leaves behind a feather To mark the winding roads we travel So I will go the distance over rivers and mountains Singing mama if you hear me Can you please answer my questions? She whispered inside my ear saying "Child don't you worry dear At low tide go walk on by On reflections like a mirror" When I did that's when I realized I'm walking on the sky I'm dancing with the wind And the heaven that we search Is nowhere but on earth and within So I listen to the wisdom of the trees To grow tall I must dig deep Look to the stars and bend in the breeze Spend my whole life reaching towards the light That's why I am here on this ride in the atmosphere With time it's becoming clear What to do with time left in these years
4.
Fate緣分 01:00
我以前以為 my questions about the world would be answered by now but they got more complicated and 大部分的時候我其實根本不知道 what’s going on what’s going to happen or what to do about it all and all I can do is follow 那一線的希望 connecting synchronicities like open doors, familiar eyes, numbers, frozen moments, and encounters that whisper: 這是緣分.
5.
Looking at clouds upside down from between your legs The hair falls around your face Forget the ticking wooden clocks and running out of days This love will find a way From coast to coast From land to sea The winds may change This love will find a way So count the constellations of the freckles on my face And wish upon the brightest star Draw a map that leads to just where you are and this love will find a place From coast to coast From land to sea The winds may change But this love will find a place So lay your head down now on the pillow case And dream of blue birds over rainbows With a rope tie forget me knots all around my waist Take my love and keep it safe Take my love and keep it safe
6.
Howl On 04:07
Fly my loves leave those long gone days behind Your body couldn’t cage your wild heart and your mind Soar across every galaxy in space Sail across the milky way and I’ll see you there someday If you run over the green grass fields to where I cannot follow Over mountains that I thought were only molehills Will you jump a little higher than your legs can carry you And howl on the dark side of the moon Ah oooh~ The night sky just got a little brighter as you flew a little higher another star has found A place amongst the moss on heaven’s ground To rest the tender head of an angel looking down If you run over the green grass fields to where I cannot follow Over mountains that I thought were only molehills Will you jump a little higher than your legs can carry you And howl on the dark side of the moon Ah oooh~ Say your last goodbye, send it down a river It’s okay to cry, nothing lasts forever Say your last goodbye, send it down a river It’s okay to cry Nothing lasts forever
7.
Let the pouring rain wash it all away Let it wash away the dust from my shoulders and my face Let it wash it all away Let it wash it all away Let it wash it all away Let the crashing waves wash it all away Let it wash away the dust from my shoulders and my face Let it wash it all away Let it wash it all away Let it wash it all away Will you help me take the weight from my shoulders for a day So I can stand up straight to see clearly Sometimes the world around can get so heavy And I cannot feel the ground underneath my feet While I’m in your embrace Will you take up my pain In your white fingertips And take it to the sea
8.
Where did we come from? Where will we go? The sea erases lines drawn in sand by sticks of men Waves have been taking footsteps since they were made on land The rain, wrote stories through mountains, painted skies, spun rivers and signed stone, in places the sun has never known. So how can words written on white paper, with ink that blooms into dead flowers rule over a world that cannot be owned? Where we came from? Where we will go? 有和在深處? (what’s in the deep?) There’s something in the deep 水體之底 (beneath bodies of water) We know 故事,歸屬,家鄉 (stories, belonging, home) Home 大地中央 (center of the Earth) 河流到海洋 (from rivers to oceans) In our bones Listen 你聽的到嗎? (can you hear it?)
9.
Have you ever wandered the lands of your ancestors? Do you hear them calling from the center of the earth? Do you feel alone, far away from home? Darling don’t you know, you carry all their hopes Oh my brothers and sisters Does blood really run thicker Than these bodies of water That hold us together? Take a moment to remember who paved all these roads Under our feet on this journey to create a new world Which wings made the winds that blow to these distant shores So we can finally tell these stories they couldn’t before Oh my brothers and sisters Does blood really run thicker Than these bodies of water That hold us together? Oh my brothers and sisters Does blood really run thicker Than these bodies of water That hold us together? So run, run, run We ain’t done So run, run run We’ve just begun
10.
In a room of empty clocks and plastic plants, with no windows or doors, just one desk lamp with a switch that says: ON or OFF How does time pass? In a corner there’s a bed that you can ignore or dream in for as long as you’re awake. Would you miss change? To anticipate, to fear wishing to stay miss what won’t return and be, the only thing that’s unpredictable and absolutely certain. How would you know without comings and goings, which things are, have been, and always will be? Where will you go to dive in from different shores the abyss we return to end, begin,forget, remember, and move through in slow motion?
11.
We are perfect free from sin From the moment we begin We are children of the mother Let us use her medicine Free the birds from the cages awaken the magic Listen and hear it in the beat and the music It’s here with a message you’re nothing but perfect Listen and hear it the calling from Spirit Remember how we’re meant to be wild and free Connect to the ground beneath our bare feet We’re like the roots that grow in the concrete jungle Splitting through the road on our way home You are perfect free from sin From the moment we begin We are children of the mother Let us use her medicine I’m down to the very last second overthinking it Wishing a river would run over me cause nothing’s sinking in I need oceans, cause I’ve been floating on the surface Gliding, hiding, the world’s got me nervous I need medicine, I need medicine Lose your mind and enter the vortex Follow the trail of the white rabbit Into a land where the clocks all Tick without both hands and See that time is an illusion Let it fade away There’s no such thing as separation We’re all made up of space 音樂,草藥,舞蹈,祈禱,(music, medicine, dance, prayer) 治癒世世代代的恩怨,創傷 (healing generations of resentment, trauma) 土地的小孩 (Children of the Earth) 破病都是用祂的藥阿 (Heal from illness with It’s medicine) 記得家鄉/remember home 是在遠方/is far away 身在何處/where you are now 地歸原主/return the land.

about

Songs, poems, stories, reflections while in process of coming into a
better understanding, of the self, the world, other beings, and ways in
which we are connected to each other, a part of something,
much bigger than ourselves.

credits

released April 23, 2022

Vanessa Le Fan Yuen - song writer, vocals, co-production, flute, guitar
Thomas Hoeller - recording, engineer, production, arrangement, co-writer, guitar, ukulele, mandolin, organs
Tonye Aganaba - vocals
Oceaan Pendharkar - piano
Corrina Keeling - BG vocals, shruti box, and bodhran
JeanSe Le Doujet - Bass
Jessica Keeling and Jessica Vaira - BG vocals
Kin Balam - guitar, flute
Mary Ancheta - Keyboard
Chris Couto - Percussion
Conrad Good - Upright bass
Jesus Caballero - Drums
Katie Stewart - Violins
Nikko Whitworth - Upright bass
Richard Brown - Drums
Thad Bailey Mai - Trumpet
Elisa Pangsaeng - Mastering
Marlee Kadyn Mayors - Cover art
Nic Latulippe - Photography

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Van Lefan Vancouver, British Columbia

Lefan樂凡 is a multidisciplinary artists born and raised in Taiwan, and currently based in Vancouver, BC

Her music is inspired by the natural world.
From the ocean waves, blowing winds, plants, and animals.

Through art, music, and movement, Lefan shares the lessons she's learned in her journey, and the experiences from her heart space.
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